Some people are all about change. They are all about self-improvement and personal development. They like to improve systems, or watch people grow. They like new and different. They place a high value on change in many forms.
Other people tend to be happy enough with things staying the same much of the time. They tend to be satisfied enough with their lot in life, and don’t really know what all the fuss is about in terms of “self-improvement.” They like for things to be dependable and reliable. They place a high value on the status quo.
When “changers” and “status quo’ers” are in a relationship with each other, it can cause a lot of conflict. “Changers” become impatient with those who don’t seem to be interested in self-improvement; and “status quo’ers” get annoyed by the constant transitions of those who thrive on change.
Now here’s an exception to this rule: kids often appear like they don’t want to change anything, and that tends to make their parents crazy. Even if the kids are changers, and even if the parents are status-quoers.
So the tip here is to get to know yourself and your kids, and your styles around change. Are there glimmers of hope that she might be a change-agent in ANY aspect of her life? (BTW – do not expect her to want to clean her room – be realistic!) You don’t necessarily need to do anything about it right now. Just notice, and see what comes up.