I talk with parents all the time who are frustrated that their kids won’t use a planner for their school work, or a calendar, or a watch or timer. Sometimes we get stuck on what the “right” system or structure should be to support our kids. But just because something seems like a perfect idea to you, that doesn’t mean it will work for your kids. If you try to force a system on your kids, not only are you likely to end up trying to put a square peg in a round hole, but you take away the chance for them to learn by using their own creativity.
So instead of getting upset when they won’t use your idea for a great structure, help them figure out what they want to accomplish, and then set up a system for themselves that they think will work. Our kids are super creative, probably more than many of us grown-ups. Maybe they will use a special ringtone on their Ipod as an alarm, or a chore chart decorated with flowers and bright colors that they drew themselves, or an instagram photo-shoot of their homework assignments rather than writing them down in that dinosaur of a planner.
Doesn’t matter, if it works (even sometimes) it’s theirs – let them make it, let them own it. Take the pressure off.
And if it doesn’t work, avoid the temptation to say (or even imply) “I told you so.” Simply help them learn to “Rinse and Repeat,” identifying what part DID work, what part didn’t, and what they want to do differently when they try again.
Thanks to one of our clients for sharing her 12 yr old daughter’s creative organizational skills. It’s a system for reminding herself in the morning whether she needs a shower or not. She has it pinned to her night stand and flips the card over depending on what she needs to do.